Please Come Home for Christmas
by gneebee
Summary: My name's Merle Dixon and this is the story of my life. Not all that stuff from when I was a kid. This is about when my real life started. I was 25 years old and I thought I was a man. I'd thought of myself as a man since I was 14. I'd pretty much been on my own since then. Then one sunny day on a Georgia back road I met a pretty little blonde. Merle & Beth No ZA
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Thank you all for stopping by to check out my new Merle and Beth story! This story is told by Merle in his own words. There's some humor, some naughty stuff, some sad stuff, some loving stuff and some Christmas stuff. I hope you enjoy this first chapter! xo**

**Special thanks to awkwardpause069 who sent me a little clipping from Appalachia. It finally got me off the dime and writing this tale.**

**Merle and Beth**

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_My name's Merle Dixon and this is the story of my life. Not all that shit from when I was a kid, nah, this is about when my real life started. _

_I was 25 years old and I thought I was a man. Shit, I'd thought of myself as a man since I was 14. I'd pretty much been on my own since then._

_Then one sunny day on a Georgia back road, on my way ta raise some hell with a group of my buddies, I came across a pretty little blonde crying on the side of the road. It was from that little woman I would learn what it meant ta be a real man._

**Georgia 1947 **

I'd been home from the war and outta the army for about a year. I was spendin' mosta my time actin' the fool, ya know what I mean. Fuckin' up every chance I got, and I got lotsa chances.

In just that one year I'd already been fired from four jobs and I was busy workin' on losin' number five. I was runnin' with a buncha no-good bums, fellas just like me. We was drinkin' hard and messin' around with the dope and the women. We wasn't worth a shit to ourselves or anyone else.

That day I was takin' it slow, driving down a dirt back road in my old beater truck on my way ta meet up with my buddies. I was on my second bottle a beer for the mornin', I had it right there between my legs.

That was the first I seen her. Even sittin' there on the side of the road cryin' the way she was, she was quite the sight. She looked exactly like sumthin' I'd wanna have.

She put me in mind of a flower just startin' ta blossom. Sweet and pure and ready ta be picked.

I slowed the old pickup way down ta get me a good look at her, but I kept on goin'. It only took about a hundred yards for me ta come ta my senses.

I asked myself, what the fuck ya thinkin' boy? Get back there and get ya some a that. Not that I thought she looked like the kind ta just give it up, but what kinda man would I be if I didn't at least try? So I turned around and went back. I stopped that ol piece a shit truck right there in the road, cut the engine off and run over ta her.

She looked so small and dainty-like, I's sincerely worried. I asked her, "Ya okay Miss? Ya hurt?"

Ah man, when she looked up at me with them big ol baby blues, all fulla tears and lookin' a little scared, fuck, I was a goner. A course, at the time I thought it was temporary. I told myself she was just a little itch I needed ta scratch. But yeah, like I said. I was already a goner for that girl I just didn't have enough sense ta know it.

I crouched down next ta her and I started ta rub her back, not in my usual flirtin' way. I was tryin' ta be a comfort ta her. I says ta her, "C'mon now Sugar, catch your breath and tell Merle here what's wrong. Ya hurt? Ya ain't hurt are ya?"

She was snifflin' and havin' a bit a trouble catchin' her breath. That's when I started rubbing my hand over her pretty blonde hair. Finally she was able ta speak, "I was just walkin' home from the general store. Mama sent me to get her a spool of white thread and some new sewin' needles."

She shuddered a little when she went on, "A truckload of fellas drove up beside me. They were goin' real slow like they were following me, except they stayed right alongside of me. When I tried walkin' a little faster, they drove a little faster."

Fresh tears started then, "They were whistling and sayin' terrible things to me about…about things they were gonna do. I was so scared. The truck kept gettin' closer like they were tryin' to force me off the road and into the tall grass. I thought they were gonna try and…well I thought they were gonna try and hurt me."

That got my sweet little blonde flower really cryin'. She didn't need ta tell me what she thought those boys were gonna try n do, I had that figured same as her. She sniffled again and said, "I started runnin' and I caught my toe on a rock and fell. One of them opened the pickup door and said, 'I'm comin' for ya little girl.'"

Me? I was feelin' pissed and ready ta kill, without really knowin' why.

Yeah, okay. I knew why.

She drew in a real shaky breath and said, "Lucky for me a farm truck came drivin' from the other direction. As soon as those fellas seen it they hightailed it down the road."

That's when I seen her little knees were all scrapped up and the hem of her cotton dress was comin' down. I ain't proud a what I done next, but it's what I done. I took my chance. I rubbed my hand along her lower leg sayin, "Ah Sugar, I'm so sorry ya got hurt like this." It almost made me smile. This little gal really was all country, from them brown lace up shoes and thin socks, right on up ta those slim never-been-shaved legs covered in soft blonde hair.

Yessir, she was a country girl alright, not one of these modern women. I ain't just talkin' when I say I kinda liked it, a lot. It got me goin' a little, ya know? I'da done anythin' for her right then and there, and I'm just bein' real honest when I tell ya, I wanted some a that little gal sumthin' fierce.

Then it come ta me and I thought ta ask. "Just how old are ya Sugar?"

"Tomorrow's my birthday, I'll be 18. Is that important for some reason? How old are you?"

I wanted ta jump up n down right there on the spot, she was old enough ta make her own decisions. All I had ta do was convince her I was a decision she wanted ta make.

I played it cool. In the sweetest voice a dirty sumbitch like me can muster up, I answered, "I just turned 25." Then I offered, "C'mon now Sugar, let Merle give ya a ride ta wherever ya need ta go. That's me, name's Merle Dixon."

Maybe it was the lustful look in my eyes, cuz she thought ta ask, "You're not gonna try anythin', are ya Merle Dixon?"

"Why a course not Sugar, don't you worry bout me. I'd never hurt a lady." I couldn't help myself, I run the side a my finger along her jawline when I added, "'Specially not one as pretty as you."

She got a shy little smile then and said, "Alright Merle Dixon. I'd be real grateful for a ride home. My name is Beth, Beth Greene."

I helped her in the pickup and it was every bit of all that I could do not ta cop a little feel. I was fightin' it though. The thing of it was, I didn't want what I wanted with her ta go like that. I wanted ta touch her when she wanted me to. I wanted this sweet little blonde ta ask for it.

What a rotten asshole, ya say? Yep, you're right, that was me. Anyway, her wantin' it with me. I knew that's what would make it real special, real good.

I hopped in on my side a the pickup an I seen her takin' a look at the bottle a beer I'd set down there on the floorboard. The look told me she didn't approve, so I asked, "Whatsa matter Sugar, ya don't care for beer?"

"Daddy says it's the Devil's own brew and it'll make the worst come out in any man."

"Oh yeah?" I asked as I took a big swallow, reached under my seat and grabbed another one. I popped the top and told her, "I think it's pretty tasty stuff and it serves ta quinch a man's thirst. Ya ever try it?"

"No. I've never tried any kind of alcohol. Daddy doesn't allow it."

"Ya always do what yer Daddy says?" I ask, figurin' sooner or later I was gonna have ta get this little gal thinkin' I's the man in charge, not her old Daddy.

Anyway, what she said next, that's when I knew. I could tell by her answer, she was a little curious. She don't say ta me "yes." She says, "Well I always have done what he said before." Aha!

So I play my card, "Well here now Sugar, what about ya listen ta me, do what I say. I say take a couple swallows, you'll see it's just a nice refreshin' beverage is all. Harmless as a nice sweet sip of Coca-Cola."

She musta been mighty thirsty cuz she took a big ol pull on that bottle, that's when I scooted right on over close ta her and I asked, "Taste good Sugar?"

"Not really, well maybe a little bit. I like the bubbles."

I knew I had the world's biggest shit eatin' grin when I encouraged her, "Well why don't ya go on and have another little sip? Maybe the flavor'll grow on ya." And by gawd she done like I told her. My Sugar was too innocent in the ways of men. She was making things too easy. Her old Daddy wasn't teachin' her the right lessons.

Bein' so tiny and all, and not ever drinkin' she was already feelin' it pretty good. I could tell by the way her eyelids looked so heavy. Then she smiled all cute and shy and said, "It's startin' ta taste kinda good."

I ain't sayin' I didn't take advantage, cuz that's exactly what I done. I leaned in and I kissed those soft pink lips a hers, but I kept it clean at first, just lips on lips. But like I said, I'm an asshole. So as soon as she kissed back I got a lot more serious about what I was doin'.

I had one arm around her shoulders, my other hand was running along the bare skin of her arm, and that's when I put my tongue in her mouth and I let her know I wasn't playin'. What had me floored was, after just a few seconds baby girl started goin' along. Her little tongue was in my mouth and by the hummin' and the purrin', I knew we was both enjoyin' it.

I took a big chance then, I let my hand slowly glide from her arm over toward her little titty. I cupped it real soft and gentle. Her body stiffened a little, but she didn't slap me or ask me ta stop. So I let my thumb softly slip back n forth over her tiny nipple. Everythin' about his woman was little. It made me wonder how small and tight…well…you know.

I'm also guessin' my sweet country girl is country right down ta her underwear. From what I'm feelin' I'm bettin' there's no bra. She's more the undershirt kind. Just thinkin' about it is makin' me hard.

Dammit though, that's when my sweet Sugar says, "Merle, we have ta stop this. I, I don't know what came over me. I…I'm a good girl. I never have misbehaved like this."

I go in with, "Daddy tell ya ta save yourself for marriage, did he?"

"Well yes of course, so did the preacher and my Mama."

Fuck, I guess I'ma be fightin' the whole damn congregation ta get a look at that underwear. But I smile cuz I ain't givin' this up. I lean in kissin' her real sweet while I rubbed my hand along her soft blonde hair, "They're right Sugar. You can't be givin' that away ta anyone but the man who tells ya he loves ya." I already knew who that man was gonna be.

She was embarrassed though and she apologized, "I'm sorry if I lead you on, I didn't mean to it…"

"It felt good, didn't it?" I threw it right out there.

Her face was fire engine red when she threw it right back, "Yes, but it's wrong."

We'd have a much deeper conversation about right n wrong soon, for the moment I went along. "That's right Sugar," But while I was agreein', I was also lettin' an open hand slip over her leg and up her dress, just a little. It took every bit a fight I had in me not ta take it right on up between those thin little legs.

I had me a goal though, but it wasn't just that. As big a dirtbag piece of shit as I am, I wasn't gonna take what I wanted until she wanted me to. So I says, "Seems like I ought ta take ya out ta celebrate your birthday tomorrow. How bout that?"

She smiled, "Oh I'd like that so much Merle Dixon. When we get to the farm you can ask my Daddy if he'll agree."

Well fuck me sideways. That is not what I wanted ta hear. Still, ya know how it is. Ya want sumthin' so bad you'll do damn near anythin' ya gotta do ta get it. I dumped the resta a the beer out the window, got out my packet a gum and we each had us a piece, "Hopefully the smell a the Juicy Fruit will keep your Daddy from smellin' the beer."

Then I buttoned my shirt up proper, pushed the bulge in my pants down, leaned up and got my comb outta my back pocket. I combed my hair, then offered it ta her, and smiled, "Yours is lookin' a little undone Sugar, but ya got a good excuse, havin' fallen' and all."

She handed it back when she was done and I smiled and said, "Ya just tell me which way ta go Sugar." Then I reach over and take a tug on her door handle, like I'm makin' sure it's closed up tight, but when I draw it back I slide it real slow across her titty and tell her, "You're real sweet Sugar."

She's lookin' down at her hands folded there in her lap and her little face is so red I'm almost worried. Except I'm not, cuz she's got a little smile on her face, even though she says, "You shouldn't touch me like that Merle Dixon."

I agree, "I know sweet girl, I just can't help myself. Ya got me all captivated." It wasn't a lie.

I cranked the engine and we bounced down that dirt road ta her Daddy's farm, me wonderin' just how I was gonna convince some righteous old farmer ta let a mutherfucker like me take his sweet, innocent girl, whose just ripe for the pickin', outta his sight.

It looked just like the kinda place where my sweet country girl ought ta be livin', a big farmhouse. As I pulled down that drive I seen her old white-haired Daddy standin' there just a waitin', shotgun in his hand.

Well fuck, was I gonna have ta participate in a shootout ta get a taste a my sweet little Sugar? I mean I could, I had my own shotgun stashed under the seat and my sidearm in the glove box. I just hadn't ever planned on havin' ta use a weapon ta get me some nookie. But like I said, I'd do anythin' for this.

As I cut the ignition I told my sweet little companion, "You wait Sugar, I'll get the door."

Her old Daddy's eyes were on me the whole time as I walked around ta her door and took her hand ta help her down. I almost started laughin' as the idea came ta me, I oughta just cop that feel I wanted right here in fronta the old tight ass. That would make my intentions clear without me ever havin' ta speak a word.

Of course I didn't. I didn't wanna ruin my chances with my country girl. I was startin' ta realize I had a serious case for my sweet Sugar.

However, bein' the nasty sumbitch that I am, as I walked her over there ta where her Daddy stood waitin', my hand restin' on her low back, I mighta let it slip down for just a second or two. Ya know, just long enough ta give her cheek a firm little squeeze.

My Sugar went along, never lettin' on ta Daddy.

I knew how these old country bumpkins could be so I stuck my hand right out and said, "Sir, name's Merle Dixon. I come across your daughter cryin' on the side a the road. It seems she had some trouble with a nasty buncha fellas."

By then her sweet Mama had come out on the porch and she rushed ta my Sugar and wrapped her up in lovin' arms sayin', "Oh my sweet girl, are you okay? What happened?" And she took my Sugar away, walked her right in that big ol house and away from yours truly.

Her Daddy was tryin' hard ta sound all gruff and like the ruler of the roost when he looks at me and says, "I think ya better tell me what happened, Son."

I ain't no son a his, but that point I keep gettin' back to? Sweet Sugar bein' my heart's, and dick's desire? Yeah, I went along.

"Well sir, I's on my way ta meet up with a buddy a mine when I seen your girl. She was sittin' there on the side a the road, all scraped up and cryin'. I got her calmed down and she told me a carload a fellas had been threatenin' her. Sorry ta be blunt Sir, but it was a bad bunch and they was talkin' about havin' their way with your sweet innocent daughter."

"The way she told it, a farm truck come from the other direction and scared em off. Thank the Good Lord Himself for that." (Yeah, I went ta church once so I knew the lingo). "I'm sure she'll tell her Mama more things she wouldn't feel comfortable talkin' to a man about."

Her Daddy looked shook and heart broke, I couldn't fault him for that. He also seemed to soften a little, "Well thank you for bringin' her safely home."

"It was my duty and my pleasure Sir. Your daughter, Beth, did mention ta me that tomorrow's her birthday. I told her I'd be pleased if she'd let me take her out. I thought I could buy her a little dinner and some ice cream."

Ah, you talk about a hard eye, that's what the old man was givin' me. But I didn't turn away, I'm no candy ass. Then he practically ruins my life, he says, "If you want to see her for her birthday you be here at 4 o'clock tomorrow, dinners at five."

Fuck and fuck. But yeah, that other thing, the thing I want. I still ain't givin' up. I say, "Why sir, that would definitely be my pleasure and I thank ya for the invitation. I'll be here promptly at 4 o'clock."

I barely get a half mile down the road when I gotta pull over and get myself right, just at the thought a the things I wanna do ta that man's baby girl.

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Next afternoon I had me a shower and got myself right again, I didn't wanna be showin' off the goods in front a her Mama and Daddy. Then I crushed me a couple a bennies and snorted em, that always got me flyin' high, so I took a shot a whiskey ta even out the speed.

I put on the nicest pair a slacks and shirt I own, why I even sported my tie and polished up my shoes. I took one more shot a whiskey, brushed my teeth, and just ta be sure the old man didn't smell the liquor on me, I had me a stick a Juicy Fruit.

I was ready.

The minute I seen my sweet Sugar I knew it was all worth it. There she stood in a little pink cotton dress, I'd bet ten bucks she made it herself. She had on those lace up shoes with the thin little socks turned over once at the top, and her pretty blonde hair was up in a ponytail and tied with a big pink bow. Fuck. Do ya see what I'm sayin? A sweet little country girl and damn, I felt the movement in my shorts. I had ta have her.

A course they sat us apart, her on one side a the table and me on the other. That's okay, I slipped off my shoe and was softly rubbing my toes on the inside a her leg. She knew what I was doin', I could tell by the way she looked at me. She didn't scoot away either. I was startin' ta think my sweet Sugar was tired a waitin' for a man. She was ready and I was the man ta show her the way.

Dinner was every bit what I expected. It started off with a longwinded prayer from the old farmer, then the platters and bowls got passed around. Fired chicken, mashed taters and gravy, green beans, biscuits and sweet corn, even a Jell-O salad. It was the best I'd ate in a month a Sundays. All while keepin' my foot in motion.

After dinner her and her Mama went on in ta the kitchen ta clean up, while Sugar's old white-haired Daddy instructed me ta come out on the porch and have a little talk with him.

Just like you'd suppose it would be, he give me the third degree. Who I was, where I came from, what I was doin' now, how old was I, did I finish school, where was my family, and the A-Number One question, what were my intentions toward his sweet baby girl.

I hate ta brag, but I swear I am so fulla shit I have never understood why the hell my eyes are blue and not brown. I had it covered, I knew the answers. Twenty-Five, went in the army right after Pearl Harbor and stayed until the end of the war. That got me big points like I knew it would. I'd seen the picture on the mantle, a young man in his navy blues, underneath there on the frame it said, "Our Hero." I figured it ta be their boy.

Yep, I did finish high school. I didn't tell him why. The part about how the juvie officer told me if I didn't stay in school I was goin' in the detention hall. Shit, I figured that would be even worse than livin' with my old man, I stayed in school.

I told him I was raised down in Southern Georgia, down around Valdosta and that my Mama and Daddy had both passed on, "I come up this way ta be near my baby brother. He was a Navy man and after the war he got work here."

Thank God I hadn't been fired yet, I didn't hafta lie, "Yessir, I got a good job with the county road crew. The work is steady and the pay ain't bad at all." That wasn't a lie either, if I'd work harder I might even be able ta move my way up the ladder a little.

Then I took on the big question. That's when the fulla-shit-as-a-Christmas-goose Merle comes out ta play. "I have nuthin' but the purest of intentions with your daughter, Sir. I got no intent of ever takin' advantage a her in any way. I know she's sweet and pure. You and her Mama done a fine job a raisin' her. A man does not dally with the affections of a woman like her. She's the kind of young woman a man marries." Not that I had any intentions of ever marryin' anyone.

He weakened, "I'll allow her to spend some time with you next Saturday night. She has her dinner with us at five. You can pick her up at six. She's to be home by ten. No later."

It seemed wrong that my sweet little Sugar never did get a say in any a this, but shit, I was gettin' what I wanted so I didn't argue. I reached a hand out to him, we shook, and I said, "Thank you Sir, you won't regret allowin' me the rare pleasure of your daughter's company." Hell, I wasn't gonna hurt her. I was just gonna love on her.

They let her walk me ta my truck, but her old Daddy stood there on the porch watchin' us. I didn't get a kiss, but I did manage ta be sneaky enough ta run my thumb over her little nipple once when I said, "Your Daddy's gonna let me take ya out for a while next Saturday night, if ya like. I can be by ta get ya bout six. Alright?"

She smiled at me and said, "Yes Merle, but we better not do that naughty stuff. I know ya want to, but I'm savin' myself."

"Hey now Sugar, don't worry bout that. I ain't gonna make ya do nuthin' ya don't wanna do."

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**A/N Thank you all for reading along and I hope you'll leave a comment / review. You can find a chapter photo on my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please check it out. Chapter Two will post next Sunday and I hope you'll be back for that. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Thank you all so much! I know Merle's a jerk, that's putting it nicely. Can he redeem himself? We'll see.**

**Let's check in with Merle Dixon.**

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I managed ta keep my nose clean the next week. Well clean by Merle Dixon standards. I didn't have but one snort before work each day. Just a little snort ta get me goin', then a little sumthin' ta wash it down.

I's right on time every day and I give em an honest day's work. I only stopped at the bar after work two nights that week. Wednesday I had a couple with my brother. Friday I got drunker than ten skunks, and I mighta snorted a pill or two or three, but shit, I didn't have work the next day so what's the harm?

There was a gal there Friday night who I'd bunked up with a few times, but this time when she offered I politely turned it down. I was serious about sumthin'. I was savin' myself up for my sweet little Sugar.

I picked her up Saturday and I wasn't one bit disappointed in how she looked. She didn't need those painted on lips and darkened eyes. She was my sweet fresh-faced beauty, and I was likin' that never-been-had look a hers. I know, I'm an asshole, but that's how it was.

What the fuck got into me? Where was my mind at? Good question. For some reason I took her ta the roadhouse out near the county line. When I pulled in she looked a little stunned, "Merle Dixon, I can't go in a bar."

Don't think for one minute I didn't know how these country folks think and do, and mutherfucker that I am, I played that hand. "Sugar, now c'mon, if I'ma be the man in your life ya got ta trust me." I leaned in and give her a sweet little kiss and said, "Ya know I wouldn't let no harm come to ya. They got a jukebox and I thought we might dance a step or two."

"I don't mean ta argue with you but I'm not even old enough."

"Don't worry Sugar, I know the owner. Only thing is, ya can't drink. That's okay though, I took care a that for ya. I got a little drink for ya right here." I pulled the silver flask outta my pocket, opened the cap and said, "Here now. Have ya a swallow a this, you'll feel better."

I had it full up with that sweet Southern Comfort. I figured it would glide right down. She coughed a little, then I told her, "Have another little sip, you'll find it soothes ya."

She was my good girl and she did like I said. Then I took a big pull and we went in. She was holding on tight to my hand and my arm and I liked that. I liked feelin' like she needed me. I ordered myself a beer and had a look around, and yeah, it was the usual lowlifes. The men and the women both.

They were all lookin' at me like I was possessed. I knew why. I knew what was goin' on. They wondered what the fuck an SOB like me was doin' with such a sweet young flower. And ta prove I really am an asshole, I showed em. I grabbed the back of her hair and pulled her toward me, kissin her long and deep right in front of everyone. It was a shitty thing ta do, showin' off like that, like I was some kinda big man. But I done it.

She squirmed to pull away and I let her. Her fingers were on her lips and I could see the tear in her eye. I knew too, I couldn't blame her. If she'd acted then as smart as I came to know she was, she'd a told me ta take her home and she woulda never had another thing ta do with me.

I just kept bein' fulla shit. I told her, "Sorry Sugar, I just couldn't help myself. I wanted ta kiss ya so bad. I'm sorry if I got a little too aggressive in public. C'mon, we'll go. I know ya ain't happy here."

She didn't speak, she just nodded and I took her hand. I was relieved when she didn't pull away. We got back in my pickup and I said it again, "I'm sorry Sugar. I ain't use to bein' with a sweet woman like you. I didn't mean ta disrespect ya. Please forgive me."

"You scared me Merle Dixon."

I wrapped my arms around her and just held her close. After a while she seemed to relax and I dared ta ask her, "Ya wanna go somewhere quiet? We could just take a ride over ta my place, listen ta the radio and talk. Would that be alright Sugar?"

She bit her lip and it was sexy, but I knew that wasn't why she was doin' it. She thought a minute, nodded her head and said, "Okay, but we have to be good."

"Oh Sugar, I'll be good for ya, I promise."

My promise wasn't worth the powder ta blow it ta hell.

* * *

Lemme tell ya bout my place. Ta say it wasn't much is ta pay it a real high compliment. It was about a half step above a hovel.

The place was one room, 12 x 14, made a concrete block with one window and a concrete floor. It was never meant ta be a house, it was an old storage buildin' I's rentin' on the cheap. I had a bed in one corner. A table with two chairs, a kitchen sink and the tiniest stove and fridge ya ever saw. In the corner of the room, not behind a door or nuthin', there was a toilet, sink and what passed for a shower.

Yeah, it was first class all the way, and me, the big dumb mutherfucker that I am, I take the sweetest little flower in the garden ta that shithole like I'm proud.

It wasn't til I walked in the door with her that I realized just what a crappy shack it was. But ya know what my Sugar said? She said, "It's very nice Merle." That made me feel like an even bigger loser than what I was.

Thing is, I coulda had a much nicer place ta live. All I'da had ta do was just keep a job, work hard and whatnot. Shit, I coulda put a down payment on a little house or sumthin'. But nah, I spent all my money on dope, booze and cheap women.

So here I am in my hovel with this sweet young lady and I lie to her some more. I tell her, "It's just temporary Sugar, I'm savin' up ta buy me a place."

"That's very nice Merle. But this is good, sturdy. It seems like a fine place for a man on his own." See what I been tellin' ya? She was too fuckin' sweet for a rotten sumbitch like me.

I get the radio goin' and I pour us each a little drink. If I woulda had a sofa she probably wouldn't a sat on the edge a my bed with me, but I didn't and so she did. I clinked glasses with her and said, "Here's ta the prettiest girl I know." She turns all pink and gives me that sweet little smile and I'm fightin' urges right and left.

I was good. I didn't want her ta think I just wanted ta grope and feel. I's beginnin' ta realize I truly had feelins for Beth Greene. So I kept my hands ta myself and we talked while we sipped our drinks.

I learned she'd graduated from high school just a couple weeks before. She had no work outside the farm and no desire ta find any, "I always planned to get married and have children after I graduated. That's really all that matters to me Merle. I like to cook, I like to keep house, I sew and I knit, and I love children. That's what I want in this life. Of course, I want all that with a good man that I love and who loves me."

I know that's just what most good young women want, just not what any a the women I've ever known would want. I tell her, "The man you fall in love with will be the luckiest man in the world." I meant what I said.

Then I'm thinkin', shit, did she just give me her resume? I hope she don't think there's any chance of me fallin' in love, and definitely no chance a me hookin' up permanent. Nope, I'm sure neither a them things are ever gonna happen.

We finish the drinks and I know she's half-in the bag, maybe more. I can't be lettin' her get too far gone on accounta if I bring her home drunk, I know her Daddy will put an end ta me seein' her. So, I set our glasses on the floor and say, "I wanna tell ya again, I'm truly sorry about earlier. I promise I'll never disrespect ya like that again."

She's all pink in the cheeks when she smiles at me and says, "I was pretty upset with you Merle, but I forgive you."

I smile at her and then as if I'm a real-life gent and not a low-life bum, I ask permission, "Can I kiss ya now?"

Her head is tilted a little to the side, her smile closed-mouth and shy and she just nods "yes." I don't waste no more time. I'm kissin' her every bit as hard as I did in the roadhouse, but now that we're alone she's kissing me back.

She starts makin' that little hummin' noise and that just gets me. I feel myself gainin' weight, I think ya know where. I pull the band from her hair and let it fall loose as I play with the blonde curls. I'm kissin' her even harder and I gently lay her back on the bed.

It surprises me she don't fight harder, until she whispers, "Oh Merle, I care for you so much."

That's it then. That's the magic. I whisper back, "Sugar, you're everythin' I want." Technically, that ain't a lie.

My hand is softly slidin' along the front of her dress and she ain't makin a move ta stop me. I start ta slowly unbutton the front of it, just enough, just four buttons. Then I slip my hand inside. I'm tryin' not ta smile when I feel that cotton undershirt. My Sugar is a sweet little thing.

She's moanin' now and I feel myself gettin' harder, I take a chance. I take her hand and guide it til she feels what's happening ta me. Her head raises up and she looks a little panicked when she says, "Oh my."

I look at her with all the sweetness a man like me can conjure up, and I say, "That's what bein' with ya does ta me. I'm like a man possessed." Corny, huh?

Apparently it wasn't all that corny ta my sweet Sugar cuz she says, "I'm so sorry."

I take my shot, "Nah now, don't ya be sorry." I start kissin' her again and finish openin' them buttons.

Then it was me. Me! _I_ was the one who put the brakes on. I'd been playin' games with her and takin' advantage since the minute I first laid eyes on her. I was done.

I sat up, helped her sit up and said, "Sorry Sugar. I shouldn't a been feedin' liquor to a sweet young thing like you and then doin' that other stuff."

She lay her hand on my shoulder and kept it there while I buttoned her dress. In a voice barely as loud as a whisper she says, "Thank you Merle."

I just nod and kiss her forehead and ask, "Ya drink coffee at all?" I gotta get her straight before I take her home.

"No. I'm sorry."

"Stop that Sugar, don't ya say sorry ta me. Ya got nuthin' ta feel sorry for." Then I kiss her forehead and say, "I got a little sweet tea and a course I got water."

"Sweet tea sounds good."

"Alright then. We'll get ya that and then we'll see about gettin' your hair fixed before I gotta take ya home."

"Are you mad at me Merle?"

"Mad at ya? Hell no I ain't mad at ya Beth. I'm mad at me. Like I said, I shouldn't a been givin' ya liquor and tryin' ta take advantage. I hope ya can forgive me."

"I do Merle."

I got her home right on time, dress straight, hair lookin' nice, teeth brushed and chewin' on Juicy Fruit. I wasn't gonna do it. I told myself it was best if I just disappeared outta her life, but dammit, I broke. I asked her old Daddy, "Would it be alright if I came for Beth next Saturday night?"

"Yes, with the same rules."

"Yessir, I understand. I'll see ya then."

* * *

Things went along like that. Me seein' my sweet little Sugar every Saturday night, and durin' the week I was goin' ta work every day. I was actin' all manner of responsible. Except for the liquor and the dope. I was still hittin' both a those things kinda hard. But I was always good, always in control with my Sugar.

I'd even been to a few Sunday dinners at her place. Met her sister, heard about her war hero brother. Me and her Daddy got along just swell. I knew enough ta keep the topics of conversation on huntin', fishin', motors, things such as that were where we had a little common ground.

Her Mama, oh that woman was just as sweet as the daughter she raised. Too damn nice for this nasty old world. I had a deep respect for Annette Greene. A fine woman.

It had been three months when the Saturday night came along that would change my life, Sugar's life and the lives of everyone we knew.

I picked her up and we stopped for a milkshake at the drugstore. Sugar had a particular fondness for a strawberry milkshake.

We drove ta my place and I poured myself a half a glass of Comfort. I asked Sugar did she want some too. Now ever since the night I suddenly became a gentleman Sugar hadn't had a taste a liquor, so ya know I was stunned when she said, "Yes I think I would like some Merle."

Shit, I didn't argue, I poured the lady liquor.

We're sittin' there on the edge a my bed, sippin' the Comfort and talkin' about how our week went and her new pink nail polish and such, when outta the blue she takes my hand. I look at her, smile and say, "My sweet little Sugar."

It was a good thing I happened ta be sittin' down cuz what she said next woulda knocked me down. She looked up with those beautiful, innocent blue eyes and tells me, "I want you to make me a woman Merle Dixon."

I was still lookin' in her eyes as I sucked down the rest a my Comfort.

I set our glasses down and I put my arm across her shoulders and ask, "Sugar, are ya sure about this?" Now I feel bad. I do. On accounta I ain't in love and I got no plans ta marry Sugar. On the other hand, I ain't promised anythin'.

She puts her little hand on my cheek and she says, "Yes Merle, I'm sure."

So, bein' the no good rotten low life mutherfucker that I am, I say, "If you're sure it's what ya want Sugar, then ya know it's what I want." Then I lay her down.

We start with the heavy neckin' and I'm rubbin' my hand slowly up and down her thin arm. I feel the little goosebumps come up and I pull back, look at her and say, "I been wantin' you since that first day I seen ya. Ya mean the world ta me Sugar." I meant that too.

She reaches her little hands up, takes my face and pulls me back in, starts up the deep kissin' again. It's clear the girl's done talkin', she means business.

I hold her body close ta mine while I slowly slide her zipper down. I get up on my knees and I take it slow, removin' her dress and watchin' her pretty face as I do. She looks a little nervous and scared so I ask, "Ya okay Sugar? Ya want me ta stop?"

And those sweet lips tell me, "No Merle, don't ever stop." I figured I had my orders and I was more'n willin' ta obey.

When I had the garment off I just sat back on my heels and admired the innocent beauty layin' on my bed. Her little undershirt with the tiny pink bow right there in the center, and those white cottons panties with a matchin' pink bow right where her little belly button is. Fuck, it was a turn on I tell ya. I leaned in and nuzzled my face right there between her legs, takin' in the softness and the fragrance of her. I kept those undergarments on her while I kissed my way up ta her neck, then I slipped my hand up inside her little undershirt.

I damn near got drunk on the warmth of her soft skin as my hand reached her tiny breast and I pinched that nipple til it was hard. She flinched a little, but I knew from those one or two other times, Sugar liked the feel of me pinchin' it.

I kissed her lips and said, "Hang on." I stood up there next ta the bed and I started takin' my clothes off, and Sugar's eyes never left me. My sweet girl was curious, she wanted ta see her man's body. What she didn't know about were the scars.

Before I took my undershirt off I told her, "I got a lotta scars Sugar. My Daddy believed in whoopin' on his wife and children. I hope it won't bother ya."

I pulled the shirt off over my head and she let out a little gasp. "The back's worse Beth. Ya want me ta put the shirt back on?"

"No. I want to feel your body." I wasn't sure what was goin' on with my sweet girl, but fuck I was likin' it. I still had my undershorts on and I took a holda my dick and moved my hand up an down a little and said, "You're gonna take my shorts off when you're ready."

Her eyes were big and round but she nodded her okay.

I laid my body between her legs as I scooted that undershirt up just a little bit at a time, kissing and lickin' that sweet soft skin as I went. She was squimin' just a little and sayin' my name, and when I pulled it up over her breasts and took one in my mouth, she let out a low little squeal.

I was nibblin' on one little nipple while I pinched the other and she was hummin' and tuggin' at my hair. I moved my hand off her breast long enough to give her crotch a firm little squeeze and I felt the wetness. "Ah Sugar, you're gettin' ready for me."

I got back up on my knees and I tugged her panties down just far enough to see those blonde curls. I leaned in and kissed her there and she flinched a little. That's when I told her, "I'ma be tastin' that Sugar, puttin' my tongue right in your sweetness."

Her eyes were like saucers and she asked, "Is that normal?"

I couldn't help a little laugh when I said, "Yeah, as long as the man and the woman both like it, it's normal." Then I licked my lips and said, "I wanna taste ya real bad Sugar."

I didn't tell her I'd never done that to a woman. I'd never been with a woman I thought I'd like that with. The gals I'd been with, and I ain't proud ta say it, but it's the way it was, it was always just quick and dirty fuckin'.

Not my Sugar though, I wanted it all with her.

I slipped those little cotton panties offa her and she got a little shy. She put her knees together and her hand over that pretty little mound of curls. I smiled as I took her hand away, bent down and kissed it, then told her, "Don't ever try'n hide from me Sugar. I'm your man." I said that, that I was her man, and I didn't even realize the weight of it. What those words meant ta her or what they meant ta me.

She nodded and I put my hands on her knees, spreadin' them apart. I cupped that sweet spot for a minute, grazin' my finger back and forth over those swollen little lips, then I slid down and did what I'd been dyin' ta do. I slipped my tongue inside her.

She made a little squeaking sound and her body was squirmin'. I told her, "Put your legs over my shoulders."

She did like I said and I wrapped my arms around her thighs, holdin' her steady while I got my fill of her. I licked and sucked at every part of her I could get to. It was like I was a man who'd been starvin' and I finally found sumthin' that could satisfy my hunger.

Then I found the special little bump that I soon knew was the spot that was gonna make her lose herself. I wanted that. Not just for her either. I had my own selfish reasons, cuz yeah, I'm a selfish asshole. I wanted ta be the man that could make her cum. The only man who ever would. I still didn't get what my thoughts were tellin' me.

I worked that little bump over good, teasin' it with my lips, my tongue and my fingers. I knew she was close, I could tell by the way her body was tensin' and tremblin'. I pinched at her nipple and slipped a finger inside her, while my tongue licked along the little bump and I put pressure on her mound. My sweet Sugar came undone and I felt so good you'd think I was the one comin'.

I shocked even myself with my desire ta taste her juices. She flinched again but I didn't let it stop me. I was like a pup lappin' up water. I licked and kissed the insides of her thighs while I rubbed my hand up and down her legs. Then I began to kiss my way up her body.

When I got ta her lips she hesitated a bit. I knew what it was she was thinkin' and I told her, "It's you and it's me. It's us Sugar." She let me kiss her and I could tell it got her goin' all over again.

I rolled over on my back and I put her hand on my dick. "It's hard for ya Beth. Ya want that, ya want me?"

"I do Merle, I do."

I helped her as she started ta pull my shorts down, then I showed her how ta stroke my dick. My Sugar was both a little nervous and a little fascinated by it all, and that suited me just fine.

I rolled back over and kissed her hard, then I started kissin' her neck and across her shoulders, down her chest and then I was suckin' her titty again while I slipped my finger inside that sweetness. She was squirmin' again and she was wet and ready, and I was so ready I just didn't even think about nuthin' but gettin' what I'd wanted for so long.

I moved my body between her legs and got up on my knees. I'd never had a virgin but I knew enough ta know a woman's first time ain't always pleasant. I told her, "I'ma go as easy as I can on ya Sugar, but I think it's gonna hurt a little anyway. You'll get used to it, ya just gotta be a little tough this first time."

She looked worried but she nodded her head and I teased that little box with the tip of my dick, just gettin' her used ta the feel of it. Then I started to slowly slip inside her, and even though I'd never experienced it before myself I knew right away when I hit that little cherry and I pushed against it. I took Sugar's innocence that night.

She cried a little but she didn't want me ta stop, and I damn sure didn't want to. I was strokin' slow though, steady, tryin' not ta make her uncomfortable. I didn't expect it really, but after a while she started moving with me. Then she was grabbing my ass like she was tryin' ta pull me closer and her slim little legs wrapped around me. I liked the feeling.

I started suckin' and bitin' at her titty and strokin' harder, deeper, faster. I knew she was hurtin' but she was also gettin' close again and so was I. I hoped I could hold out until Sugar got hers, when she started ta go I didn't hold back any longer. We was both comin' and callin each other's names.

She'd never had sex before and I'd never had sex like that.

After we caught our breath, I cleaned her up. There was blood and spooge and it was kind of a mess, but it was the prettiest mess I'd ever seen. All I wanted ta do was hold her and touch her. I still didn't get quite why though. Damn I was a thickheaded sumbitch.

She was havin' a little trouble walkin' and I held a warm cloth on her sweet spot, then put a little Vaseline there. "It'll heal up Sugar. It ain't ever gonna hurt like that again. I promise."

I got myself dressed, helped her get dressed, then I had ta hurry and get her home. We was about ten minutes late but the way her Mama and Daddy met us at the door you'd think it was ten hours.

I greeted them both, apologized for bein' late, and then I saw it. There was a certain look in her Mama's eye as she looked at her daughter and then at me. I knew without a doubt, Mama Greene knew what we'd done.

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**A/N Oh Merle, Oh Sugar. Now what? Please leave a comment or review, and if you'd like to see it, there's a chapter photo on my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick. I'll be back next Sunday with the final chapter of _Please Come Home for Christmas_, I hope you'll be here too. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Uh Oh, what more is there to say? I think Mama will surprise you, heck I think Merle will surprise you a few times. Whatever, I hope you enjoy!**

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I shook her Daddy's hand and like always I asked, "Can I call on Beth next Saturday?" He said I could.

Then outta the blue her Mama says, "I'd like ta visit with you a little when ya come see us next week Merle." I just nodded and smiled like I didn't know Mama Bear was gonna be handin' me my ass on a platter.

Later on Sugar would tell me how her Mama followed her up ta her room and insisted on helpin' her get undressed. She noticed the article of missing clothin'. We didn't get that undershirt back on Sugar. Mama saw her titties were red and there were marks, hickeys and a little brusin'. I wasn't shocked ta hear Mama wasn't happy, and poor little Sugar got the lecture to end all lectures.

When Sugar told me she told her Mama, "Don't worry Mama, Merle and me we love each other, this proves it. We'll be gettin' married soon." I nearly come unglued. I kept my trap shut though. I didn't wanna hurt her and we was havin' a good time with each other.

When I picked her up the next Saturday her Mama asked me ta help her with sumthin' in the kitchen, and I followed her in there all smiles like I didn't know I was in deep shit. Mama wasn't mean though, she just told me in no uncertain terms, "Shame on you Merle Dixon, shame on you. I'm tellin' you here and now Son, you'd better treat my girl right. You better show her respect and you'd better be protecting her, and some day soon Merle Dixon I better see a ring on my daughter's finger or you'd better be gettin' your sorry ass outta this town, never ta come back."

I couldn't argue with her Mama or get cross, she had a right ta say all that. I only said, "Yes Ma'am, I'm sorry. I'll treat her good."

Sugar and me kept up like we had been, and I was so dense I couldn't figure out why the hell it was so tough bein' away from her all week long. Saturday nights just didn't seem like quite enough. I wanted ta be with my Sugar all the time. I was so fuckin' block-headed I still didn't understand why.

Two months later it happened. I was hangin' with a buncha guys out behind the bowlin' alley. We was drinkin', actin' like the fools that we were, and like things go when a buncha drunken men get ta actin' up there was a brawl. Someone called the cops and three guys got hauled into jail. One of em was me.

The dispatcher there at the station was a good friend of Beth's Mama and she called her the next mornin', told her I was in the can for drunk in public an fightin'. Mama came right down ta the jailhouse and bailed my ass out.

Why ya ask? I asked too.

That's when Annette Greene looked at me hard and steady and then it was like she shot a cannonball right through my belly. She said, "Because Merle Dixon, you are the Daddy of my grandchild."

I must be the dumbest mutherfucker God made cuz I look at her and say, "What?" Then my light bulb comes on and I shake my head and say, "Nah."

She puts her hands on her hips and says, "It's yes Merle Dixon, and it's time for you to quit all this other foolishness. You have a family now. You need to marry my daughter and you need to get a decent place for her and my grandchild."

She was waitin' on my response but I was in a complete state of fuckin' shock. Not cuz I didn't know how it happened, and I also knew when it musta happened. It was that first time. Not that it's an excuse, I know that, but I's just so anxious and all caught up in what me and Sugar was doin'. Dammit, I was too excited. I didn't get up, get the rubber and save us all.

I did wonder though, why didn't my sweet Sugar tell me this news? Maybe she was afraid. I hoped ta God that wasn't it. I didn't want Sugar ta be afraid I'd hurt her. I never would. Maybe it was just that when she didn't have a cycle she got scared and went ta Mama. Well it didn't matter much, whatever the fuck the reason was I was gonna be a Daddy and the idea of that scared the fuck right outta me.

Mama Bear was lookin' me in the eye like she was darin' me ta make a false move. What could I do? I just nodded my head and said, "Yes Ma'am. Can I go now and talk ta Beth?"

"I think you'd better you need to propose Merle and right after that, you're gonna need to go find a decent apartment."

I guess I was too stunned ta argue, all I did was say, "Yes Ma'am," again.

I didn't wanna marry. In all my life I'd never planned ta marry, but I couldn't let Sugar down. All this was my doin' and I aimed ta be a man and accept my responsibility.

The next Saturday we had what her Mama called an "intimate" wedding at the farm. I figured the reason they kept it so quiet was, Sugar's Mama and Daddy didn't wanna advertise that their sweet little girl had let a no-good sumbitch like me ruin her life. I couldn't blame em.

That Saturday afternoon my Sugar was all sweet, happy smiles and teary eyes, whilst I was sweatin' bullets and shittin' bricks.

Anyway, the only folks that was there was just my sweet bride, her Mama and Daddy, my little brother and her big sister. Her Daddy did the honors and lemme just tell ya, if looks could kill he'd a been seein' to my funeral, not my weddin' ta his daughter.

I knew the only two things keepin' Hershel Greene from killin' me with his bare hands were his love for Sugar and his first grandchild.

Me n Sugar went on home ta the little place I'd rented us. It was small, just one bedroom and older than Methuselah. It was a real sweet little place though. A cozy livin' room and a nice little kitchen for Sugar, and our bedroom was plenty big enough for us and a small crib.

I promised my bride I'd work hard and quit drinkin' so much (I never had mentioned the drugs and she was too innocent to know of such things. At least at that time she was). I promised her I'd be savin' every dime I could ta try and buy her a proper home.

I promised a lotta things.

Sugar was the best wife any man could ever want. She treated me like a fuckin' king. No shit. I'd get home at night and the house was spotless and my supper was ready and waitin'. She was a damn fine cook too.

I'd sit in my chair and she'd rub my shoulders, then she'd sit in my lap and tell me how lucky she was ta be married ta me. Best of all she'd let me lay her down any time the mood struck me, and it struck me often. She'd give me whatever I wanted in the bedroom, never question, never complain.

I had it made and I knew it. My life had never been better and I done real good those first few months. I really did work hard and I was stayin' off the dope and only drinkin' a little on the weekends. I was impressin' the boss and hopin' ta work my way up the ranks.

Once our baby boy arrived on the scene Hershel and Annette Greene finally seemed to be at peace with the idea Sugar and me were married and in love and all that. Yep that little boy, we named him Ray, he was a good one. Healthy and always smilin', he had his mother's sweetness.

Ray was about four months old when I slid, and I slid bad. To this day I couldn't tell ya what the fuck was wrong with me. Pretty much everythin' I guess.

It started off slow. I'd stop at the tavern on my way home and have me one with the boys. No big deal and Sugar didn't complain. Pretty soon it was two beers, and some nights a lot more. Sugar was sweet about it when she said, "Merle, me and Ray miss you when you don't come home until so late, and I…I'd prefer to make love with you when you're sober."

I got mean with her. I said shit a lovin' husband shouldn't say ta his wife, "You're lucky I come home ta make love ta you at all. There's plenty a women down at the tavern who'd like a roll with me, drunk or sober."

She didn't yell, she didn't argue. It was worse. I seen those quiet tears. Sure I felt like shit and sure I knew I's doin' wrong, but I just kept actin' like an asshole.

One night when I come home drunk and had my way with Sugar I didn't protect us. She was pregnant again by the time little Ray was six months old. In my assholian state a mind I blamed her for it. I raised my voice ta her and asked, "How many damn kids ya gonna have? Shit I ain't made a money ya know and we ain't got the room." Nice guy huh? Fuck, even I didn't like me.

It was in the late summer that it happened, a Saturday afternoon.

That mornin' I told her I's goin' ta the hardware store. Of course, that ain't where I went at all. I went right ta the tavern. I was playin' my usual part, big loud asshole pouring down beers while my pregnant wife and baby boy waited for me ta come home.

The bar phone rang about one o'clock that afternoon and the barman said, "Hey Dixon, your wife needs ta talk to ya."

What did I say? "Tell her I'm busy and not ta bother me no more. I'll be there when I get there." Dirty no-good mutherfucker.

So I have me a few more, play some pool, shuffleboard, darts. All the things a man with a pregnant wife and small boy oughta be out doin'. I finally decide I'm just about shitfaced enough and I head on home so my wife can show me how much she loves me.

There's a problem though, she ain't there. My boy ain't there either. There's no note no nuthin'. The stove's cold, no supper in the oven either. Am I worried? Do I start callin' around? Fuck no. I'm pissed. Where the fuck is she? Where the fuck's my boy? Where the fuck's my supper?

I fry myself up a few eggs while I'm thinkin' about how I'ma punish her somehow for doin' me this way. I eat my eggs and some bread, throw my dirty dishes in the sink and sit my worthless ass in my chair. The longer I sit the madder I get.

It's about six o'clock when my little brother Daryl and Beth's Mama show up. Her Mama looks at me and she don't pull no punches, "I thought for a while it was all gonna be just fine Merle Dixon. I wanted more than anything ta be right about that, but you have disappointed me and broken my girl's heart. My daughter will no longer be livin' here with you. She's movin' back to the farm so that her Daddy and me can take care of her the way she needs to be cared for, and care for little Ray too."

I'm still drunk and I don't curb myself, "What the fuck are you talkin' about? My wife and boy belong here with me."

My brother jumps in, standin' between me and my mother in law. He gets snarly with me, "Shut up and sit down ya done enough ta Beth and her family."

I throw a punch but he's got the advantage, he's sober. He dodges the punch and throws one that knocks me on my ass.

In the mean-time Mama Greene's been in the bedroom packin' up Beth's clothes and little Ray's too.

My brother carries the bags out and they're gone.

Do ya think I try'n call? Nah. I proceed ta suck down three quarters of a bottle a Jack and think about how I'ma make everyone pay for doin' me dirty this way.

Bright and early the next mornin' here comes Daryl, and he ain't in no kinda mood ta give two fucks about me and my achin' head and queasy belly. He calls it like he sees it, "Ya dumb mutherfucker ya really screwed the pooch this time."

Just cuz I'm hung over don't mean I ain't 100% capable a bein' a horse's ass, "Fuck you Daryl, no one can tell me how ta live my life."

"That's right Merle, no one can. That don't mean they gotta stay here and live it with ya. Beth can't anyway, she ain't even s'posed ta get up outta bed until after this baby comes. You'da knowed that if ya took her call yesterday. Instead she called me ta take her ta the hospital, ya know, on accounta her piece a shit husband couldn't be bothered."

"What the fuck you talkin' about?" I was still talkin' tough but my head and my gut had started ta hurt for a whole new reason.

"She called me when you wouldn't answer, that's what. I got here and she was sittin' in the kitchen chair holdin' little Ray on her lap and a bloody towel between her legs. The docs saved her and they saved the baby but she's still in the hospital. They'll cut her loose in a few days and she'll go home ta her Mama. Ray will go home ta Grandma and Grandpa and you can do whatever the hell ya wanna do cuz no one gives a fuck about ya no more Merle. You just remember, ya done it ta yourself asshole."

Little brother slammed the door when he left.

I sat around all mornin' feelin' sorry for myself an thinkin' about how the world was mistreatin' me. Then I got my ass up and got in the shower. Shit everythin' was different already. Sugar's things were gone. No pink bottle a shampoo in the bath, no soaps and creams and lotions. No little nightie and robe hangin' on the back a the door, and no toothbrush but my own.

Reality hit me like a fuckin' freight train. Sugar was gone. Ray was gone. I had succeeded in gettin' what I wanted. I was alone, I could do whatever I wanted, no one cared anymore.

I dressed up like I was goin' ta church and I drove ta the hospital.

I couldn't believe it when I walked in the room and seen her, she was every bit as white as those hospital linens. She had tubes runnin' here and there and everythin' seemed so cold and sterile. I went over and gently took her hand and her blue eyes opened. She looked at me and almost seemed to be whisperin' my name, "Merle."

It was me who had tears now, "Sugar, Sugar," I said, "I'm so sorry. I promise I'll never do wrong again."

Her voice was so weak and soft when she started to speak and at first it was good. She looked me right in the eye when she said, "I love you with all my heart Merle Dixon." I was almost high from her words, until she dealt me a death blow, "But I don't want to, I can't. I can't live with you anymore. Me and little Ray, we need care. We need ta be with people who love us. I'm gonna be in bed til this baby comes in November, the doctor says I gotta be."

She closed her eyes, swallowed hard, looked in my eyes again and said, "I made my mind up me and the children are gonna live with Mama and Daddy from now on."

I'm not ashamed ta say I begged her, "Please Sugar, please just give me a chance, please, just one chance."

She looked at me with sad but dry eyes when she said, "You have no idea how many chances I've given you Merle. How hard I've prayed that I could be enough for you, that our babies could be enough for you. I've got no more chances left to give and I got no strength left ta keep fighting for your love. I have to fight to keep this baby alive."

The doc came in then and he told me I should go, she needed her rest.

I went home and I threw out the booze, the pills, the weed. I vowed ta myself I'd show her I could be a better man. Oh I knew I'd never be good enough for Sugar. No man would ever be good enough for an angel like her, but I'd be the best man I could be and maybe, just maybe she'd find one more chance ta give me.

She was in the hospital another week and I was there ta see her every mornin' before work and every night when I got off. I was careful with my words, I didn't wanna upset her, but I let her know I wanted her with me and I was gonna do everythin' I could ta try and win her back.

I became the ideal employee arrivin' early every day ready and anxious ta work. I wasn't drinkin', I wasn't doin' the dope. It wasn't easy. I'd been fuckin' with that shit since I's a kid and I had the shakes and the crampin' bad for a while, but I was determined.

I worked overtime as much as I could and I was there at the farm at least three nights a week and all day Sunday. I knew it pissed her Daddy off but I didn't give a shit. Beth and Ray were still my family.

It was miserable for Sugar being stuck in bed all the time so I'd sit by her and tell her about my work and any talk I'd heard around town. I'd bring flowers, magazines and play cards and board games with her.

And little Ray, his Daddy was finally takin' the time ta be a Daddy ta him.

I didn't bother her about comin' home. She knew I wanted her to but there was also a truth to the fact I couldn't take care of her proper, not when I had ta be at work every day. I had a lot of gratitude ta her folks for takin' care of her and little Ray and I let them all know that.

Like I said, Beth knew I wanted her ta come back to me as soon as the baby was born. I didn't push her, I just hoped ta God she'd consider it.

The baby couldn't wait. He wasn't due until the end of November but instead he came the first. He was a little scrawny but he had a good set a lungs on him and he was a fighter like his Mama. We named him for the man who showed up for my family when I wouldn't, we called him Daryl.

I was shocked when on the second Sunday in December outta the blue she told me, "I want us to be a family Merle and I'm willin' to take one more chance on that, but I want you to understand, there will never be another."

I was never a believer but I tell ya what, I dropped ta my knees right then and I thanked her and God both for this one last chance.

Before I moved her from the farm I rented a place just a little bigger than the place we'd had. Big enough ta hold us all until I saved a little more money ta buy her a home of her own. A proper place for me and her ta raise our children together.

At first, after all that happened with Beth and the baby and me bein' an asshole, me and Daryl had a couple real rough months ourselves. I understood why he had a hard time forgivin' me for my ways. Finally though, when it gets down to it we're family and we worked it out. My little brother helped me move our stuff over and setup the new apartment.

My Sugar loves Christmas and I wanted so bad ta make her happy. I bought a little Christmas tree and put it up in the corner. I got all the stuff ta trim it and I thought I done a pretty good job.

Two days before Christmas of 1949 I moved my Sugar and our boys home with me. I made it my goal in life that she would never regret givin' me my last chance.

She was emotional when she seen the place but my Sugar always has had that tender heart. Even when I was at my worst she never treated me like the dirty dog I was. Ray was just excited for the tree and the idea some fella named Santa might bring him a toy.

Christmas mornin' I helped her and our baby to a nice soft chair in the livin' room and little Ray opened his gift from Santa, a big metal dump truck. The boy was all happy smiles and excitement pushin' it along the floor.

I gave Beth the box I had in the pocket of my robe and she looked at it, then at me all teary-eyed and said, "But I don't have anythin' for you Merle."

I kinda laughed at that, "You and our children comin' home is everythin' I'm ever gonna need or want Sugar."

She opened the box and then the alligator tears started ta fall. It was a bracelet and in the center of it there was a little gold heart. It wasn't a lot but it was what I could afford and my Sugar acted like I'd given her a truckload of diamonds.

My brother come by at noontime with a elk roast and a pot a gravy. Beth's folks were right behind him with Jell-O salad and pies. Beth's sister brought rolls and Christmas cookies. I'd made a pot a mashed potatoes and one of green beans.

It was crowded in the little place but no one cared as we ate and watched little Ray open his gifts from Grandma and Grandpa, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Maggie. We had us a good Christmas that year.

* * *

Sugar and me, we slept in the same bed but I didn't bother her none. I knew she'd had a rough pregnancy and a rough delivery, and I also knew she still had questions about whether or not she could trust me ta stay sober and be a husband to her and a Daddy to our children. I didn't blame her one bit for that, it was my job to prove myself to her.

It was the week after the start of the New Year, 1950. That night Sugar scooted close to me, lay her small hand on my cheek and said, "I love you Merle Dixon, I want you to make love to me." I was never happier to do what the lady asked.

It was just a year and half after my Sugar came back ta me that I was finally able ta buy her a little home of her own. It wasn't fancy but it was good. It had a big backyard for the children and a sunny kitchen for Sugar. Two years later when our surprise baby came there was room for her too. We called her Faith cuz that's what this all took, a whole lotta faith.

Me and my Sugar raised our kids in the little house and they all make us proud every day. We're still livin' in it. We have four sweet grandchildren and another comin' soon, most of all we got each other. They'll all be here for Christmas and Sugar has never been more excited. I'm excited for her.

When I was 14 years old I thought of myself as a man. When I was 27 I learned I was no kind of man at all. 30 years later I'm still workin' hard ta be the man my sweet Sugar deserves.

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**A/N I hope you enjoyed hearing the story, from Merle himself, about how he became a man. As always, there's a chap photo on my tumblr blogs, gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please check it out. If you celebrate, I wish you a Very Merry Christmas and / or a Very Happy Hanukka. I'll be back soon with more Merle Dixon, until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee**


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